


trouble-bound tidings

by ElasticElla



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Hogwarts House Sorting, Epistolary, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:15:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25541959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElasticElla/pseuds/ElasticElla
Summary: Five of the letters Snape sent Petunia, and one of her replies.
Relationships: Petunia Evans Dursley/Severus Snape
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27
Collections: Battleship 2020, Battleship 2020 - Yellow Team





	trouble-bound tidings

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lirin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lirin/gifts).



1.

_Dear Petunia Dursley,_

_Your nephew is as trouble-bound and irksome as his late father. A little discipline at home would not be remiss, though I know how you must love doting on the famous brat. In between ice cream trips and broomstick rides, do impart the necessity of listening to authority figures to succeed in life. That at least should penetrate his thick skull, as he must be ambitious for he lacks cunning._

– _Professor Severus Snape  
_ _Potions Master, Head of Slytherin House_

2.

_Dear Petunia Evans,_

_A firm hand is nothing compared to a wand, and I highly doubt you employed it. Potter’s foolishness rose to new heights this year in deciding to fight a gigantic snake._

_Happily I have avoided the sheer mountain of paperwork that would await me upon allowing the death of the wizarding world’s hero. Do impart the necessity of survival, or at least kindly waiting to off himself until summer, such that you may go on with your muggle life and not be bothered by ‘attention gathering dirty birds’._

– _Professor Severus Snape  
_ _Potions Master, Head of Slytherin House_

3.

_Dear Petunia,_

_No. Crazy murderer or not, Black wouldn’t concern himself with you. He lives for attention, and should he strike, will do so in a public and magical venue._

– _Severus Snape_

4.

_Dear Petunia Evans,_

_All of our efforts have been in vain, and that vain boy you call your nephew has entered himself in a death-provoking publicity stunt. While he has been bragging to his little friends, I doubt he had the courtesy to inform you._

_You, and your son, are invited to watch the final task take place. While this will likely be a bloodless trivial affair, there are many magical feats and decorations should you wish to still see them._

– _Professor Severus Snape  
_ _Potions Master, Head of Slytherin House_

5.

_Dear Petunia,_

_Yes._

_There is more than discord on the horizon, and I’ll thank you to burn this letter upon its completion. If you are amenable, we would move you, Dudley, and Potter to a safe house. The mechanics are better explained in person, but it will be safer than your current situation._

– _Severus_

+1.

_Dearest Sev,_

_I, of course, burn all letters upon completion. I strive to be a remarkably regular mother, and would not leave evidence of magic or romance somewhere as foolish as my own writing desk._

_While the prospect of living in such a… house does give me pause, I will grant safety may matter more than decorum in this instance. I take comfort in knowing there will be at least one other pleasant individual to make our stay less unfortunate._

_We will be ready tomorrow evening._

_Yours,  
_ _Pet_


End file.
